This time

     Yesterday at lunch I had a great conversation. Several of us were discussing how we struggle in the weight department.

     How we have tried every diet there is, how we have lost weight, how we have gained back that weight and more, how we are frustrated.

     I know people who don't know me well think I am a weak person as far as my weight goes.

     We even talked about that, how we can be such a strong individual and that this is the one thing we can't manage.

     Again, it's not that we don't know how to deal with weight, it's not that we don't want to lose it . . . it's a mystery, really.

     So, what is the answer? I have asked this question and the next so many times that I feel like a scratched CD.

     Why, if I know what I need to do, can't I do it? I have been eating better (improved, not always perfect) since 2007 began, but I have not been exercising as I should.

     I can give away all the excuses, all the days of not doing what I planned, and all the emotions that go along with failing to lose weight.

     I can start over today, again. I can start over in a week, again. I can start over next month, again.

     But, when is the start going to be the last time? I read inspirational story after story and it seems like many of those who finally stuck with it had some sort of life-changing event happen in their lives.

     I have had some big events, apparently not life-changing enough. I want to live a long time. I hate being fat.

     What more motivation do I need? I don't know. All I can do is keep trying, keep making a new plan, until I find the one that works.

     I am planning on joining the Biggest Loser competition at the gym, but I will start the second flight, which begins Feb. 13.

     The nice thing is it runs until the beginning of May so, if I can stick it out, I will find myself in a much better place right before summer starts.

     Part of the reason I am waiting to join at that time is because I want to be really prepared this time.

     I am going to begin doing more cardio now, so once that time comes around I can work up to working out harder.

     I have a list of things I want to do before I start the competition. I have some obligations I want to finish and give away.

     I need to buy new shoes (which I want to purchase in Wenatchee). I want to plan out meals for a month and buy all the ingredients.

     I have some busy times and work ahead of me, but I am hoping that with this, I will be successful this time, this last time.

     For me being successful will be not starting over but continuing this for a lifetime, not quitting.

     This time.

     And, that's the last word, until tomorrow.