Love/Hate relationship

I love my scale. I hate my scale. I love that it gives accurate feedback. I hate how it doesn’t always reflect my hard work.

I do know FOR ME that I have to weigh each day—just once, in the morning. I have to. It’s my personal accountability. I did go for a week of not weighing when I went on vacation. And, don’t kid yourself…I SERIOUSLY considered packing my scale and taking it with me.

In the end, I decide to leave it home, and I did lose ONE pound after a week of eating whatever I wanted (though I really MOSTLY ate within reason and my normal kind of stuff with just a few delights). I am not ashamed to say that I missed my scale.

I will admit that I have some serious roller coaster moments and mini-anxiety each morning when I go to weigh. I have been on such a plateau lately that really I find myself disappointed—almost heartbroken. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I worked out for two hours yesterday, I ate within or below my caloric range, and you want to tell me that I gained weight? HOW DARE YOU?!?

 I know I shouldn’t stress, and I know that I am doing all the right things, but it really ticks me off how I can gain two pounds in one day and take two weeks to lose those same two pounds. SIGH.

I also know that I shouldn’t focus on the number. I know this. I’m not obsessed. But, I want progress and the number on the scale is ONE form of progress. I think a good analogy is the testing we have our kids do. It’s a score, and we can see improvement and even when we either hold steady or regress. However, it’s not the only thing to look at when assessing growth and learning. We can use class grades—still not always a true indicator of potential or ability. And, some things we JUST SEE. We JUST KNOW.

I guess those would be the non-scale victories, right? The scale not moving, but the pant sizes changing. The scale not moving, but the compliments coming in daily. The FEELING better and healthier.

I can’t go without weighing because I feel like I would lose control…I would not be as serious about all of my health and fitness goals. I will say that if I have a gain (which LOGICALLY I understand how the body works, and I know that I can have a gain one day and a huge loss the next day), at any rate, a gain will make me STAY FOCUSED, keep the course that day. Though at first I may feel a bit deflated, it actually makes me MORE focused and driven to keep doing what I know I need to do. I know I will get there, and thankfully those NSVs keep me going, too.

I kind of feel like maybe I should name my scale. We do have a personal relationship after all.